Yesterday after so may days I felt that I have some leisure time now and its time to surf some TV  channels. But suddenly my 1.8 year old came running to me with his demand of listening to songs. Surprisingly he knows the wording of all this latest songs "Saturday saturday" being his favourite. My elder daughter who's just 4 came running and said she wants to watch Dora. I left the tv remote to the kids and came out thinking that they will settle it themselves. Next thing that came to my mind was checking my email. As I opened the laptop, my little one again came running to me saying he wants to talk to Grandma. He thinks Laptop is medium of video communication with Nana nani. 

I was wondering that what would have happened if I had access to all these gadgets when I was of their age. Thank God I didn't ! I grew up in a small town, Udhampur in Jammu and Kashmir. If we had to watch songs on tv we used to wait for Sunday morning show Rangoli, wait for sunday to watch mogli and duck tales. Playing badminton, hide and seek, bat ball, run and catch were the games I remember playing when I was a kid. How sad we would become if turns out to be a rainy day. No one would allow us to play in this weather. We had alternatives to this. Business, Ludo, carrom

 at someone's place with hot pakora's being served from Aunt or Mummy's kitchen.  There were some stone games like stapu what we used to play. Mummy always used to get angry because all our pockets were overflooded with those flat stones and our shoes used to torn from the front in a weeks time playing such games. Now whenever I take my kids downstairs, I never see anyone playing those games. Someone's returning from abacus class, someone from drawing class, some from dance class or judo class. I see only a few children who play in groups. 

We used to stay in close knit colony where everyone used to celebrate all festivals together. Caste, regional bias never used to divide people. Be it Holi, Diwali or dusshera exchanging sweets was a custom. One festival which we girls used to enjoy was Navratri, where girls were invited on Ashtami or Navmi and given some sweets and money. At the end of the day we used to count our earnings. Now I'm in Mumbai where no doubt all festivals are celebrated in great spirit but still that closeness among families is missing. Those were the days without mobiles phones, even few houses had landlines too. Sometimes people used to leave messages at the neighbours house. 

the place where my shool and and house was located amidst little mountains and behind there was a stream of water. 

This was the ideal holiday destiday every mumbaikar urges for. I was bsy recalling my golden old days when my little one disturbed me with his new demand of listening to Johny Jony on Tab. The joy given by nature is far more than the modern gadgets and television. Will our children ever get to know this?

I'm back!

Finally after 3 years I’m back to my blog. A lot of things have changed in these 3 years. I'm in in a new place now,

working in a new organization and have a new family around me. Its not that I never thought to get back to my blog in all these years but I was really busy all the time. Not a good excuse I know :)

Major happenings of the last 3 years – I got married, worked a lot, traveled a lot, and moved from Bangalore to Mumbai. Mumbai – the city is known for its tall buildings, busy people, crowded local trains. In no time I have become a part of all this. I won’t say I love this city I must say I have started liking it. I like the spirit of the Mumbaikars. They celebrate each festival with all zeal and gusto. Be it Ganesh chaurthi, be it Janmashtmi or be it navratris or Diwali. Since I’ve never been so close to sea, though here also I rarely get chance to go for beach walks but still I don’t have to go to another city for watching the sea. I love watching the sea – waves. Would update you more about this city as I explore more about it!

Life has changed in a beautiful way. Although I do miss the old times with no responsibilities, just troubling parents and friends all the time, yet it’s good learning experience to be responsible at times.

Money..money..money

Money..money..money.Is it everything in the world? Can it buy you all the happiness you need?
After a long time, some thought is provoking me so much that I had to come back to my blog. I see so many people around me going mad after money, spoiling their health, spending sleepless nights with all work tension, having almost no time for their family..All this, just to live a luxurious life - to give mobile phone to their children even if they don’t need it, to busy a new car even if they have two which are running good enough, to buy a home theater even you have good enough big flat screen TV at home. I don’t say, we shouldn’t have passion to fulfill such dreams. But I do feel that we should not spend half our life thinking how to acquire money and then acquiring money just to fulfill our dreams which are not ‘needs’ just luxuries! I have a question in my mind, 10 years down the line what would you like to give back to your children a decent life and your time or only a luxurious life? If I were to choose between the two, I would have chosen the first one. Because I think there’s no end to human desires and happiness resides in a contented mind. Some one has rightly said (I don’t know who!)

मेरे दिल के किसी कोने मे एक मासूम सा बच्चा
बडों की देख कर दुनिया, बडा होने से डरता है!

2 Years!

Time passes so quickly. I can't believe I'll complete exactly 2 yrs in my first job tomorrow. I still remember the day we landed in this company. It seemed to be no different from college - 1) so many classes and tests 2) I had the same circle of friends. Training period got over and then a world of responsibilities began - staying on your own, paying the rent, paying the bills, cooking food, getting up early to catch the bus -no scope of bunking classes, work - tension! I learnt how much responsible you are for every word you write or speak here and how much commitment is expected from you at workplace. I still remember I couldn't attend my convocation because I had to give a presentation at office that day. My PM made me cancel my tickets at the last moment! Now when I turn back I smile at those moments.
Well the work and the environment hasn't changed much since 2005. The people do keep on changing.
Had both sweet and sour experiences. But I must say my first job has given me more than what I ever expected as I could find my better half here ;-)
My good wishes and congratulations to all those who started their career with me!

Happy friendship day!

One more friendship day gone! I remember two years back when I was in college, we had some kind of excitement in us. We used to send e-cards, wake up till 12 to wish each other...Things don't seem to be the same any more. This time also I wished all my friends, they wished me back, but I don't know why I felt that enthusiasm was gone! It made me scribble some lines and and I'm posting them:
हमें याद आता है
हर वो नज़ारा
था दुनिया में हमको सबसे जो प्यारा
वो यारों कि बातों में रातें बिताना
कुछ हसीं सपनों को दिल में सजाना
उनके कन्धों में सर रख के रोना
वो हर अपने दुःख को हसी में उड़ाना
वो lectures में उनकी proxy लगाना
वो majors के time पे movies दिखाना
अजी हमने माना
वो नही थी हक़ीकत
थी इक कहानी, था इक फ़साना
क्यों आज हमको वो हर दोस्त अपना
यूं लगने लगा है पराया पराया
बदली हूँ मैं, या बदला ज़माना ?
है मौसम अभी भी सुहाना सुहाना
फिर भी हमें याद आता है
हर वो नज़ारा
जो था कभी, हमें सबसे प्यारा!

What makes you happy!

Life is a never ending circle of complaints. Your very own people will complain for every other action you do. There can never be a situation when you can make everyone happy. If there is something which makes you happy there must be someone who’s getting hurt because of this. And I feel if you will try to make everyone happy you will surely make yourself unhappy.
True are those lines of a song ....
“कहॉ किसी के लिए है मुमकिन
सबके लिए इक सा होना
थोडा सा दिल मेरा बुरा है
थोडा भला है सीने में "
The moral of the story is do what your heart says and don’t try to make everyone happy because this is a hypothetical situation which can never happen. Do only what makes YOU happy!

Wrong Choices!

Has it ever ever happened to you that you give chances to the same set of people to prove to be good friends and in return they keep on doing things to hurt you the possible extent?? I wonder how a person can't be a loyal friend if you are so good to him. You help them in any possible way, forgive them hundreds of times, they can't leave the habit of breaking trust! A friend of mine has rightly described such people as Gnawing rats!(http://myjourneys.wordpress.com/2007/03/19/gnawing-rats/)
I don't mind if they don't let me know what's happening in their life but I do mind if they are letting the world know some wrong things about me.
Anyway its life! And we must learn to choose friends very carefully and I think I'm still in the process of learning that.
Thank God! I still have a bunch of friends who have never proved and will never prove to be wrong choices :-)

Its a lovely day!

Its friday again. End of week! It was a hectic week for me. After being on bench for a long time, I'm enjoying this "busyness".Though I have my tasks set for the weekend also, I'm a bit relaxed that I can enjoy this nice weather. People like me, who don't like bangalore, do visit bangalore at this time. The weather is at its best. It was drizzling the whole day and there is a nice breeze going on.
Its 7 pm and I'm still in office as we had meeting from 6 to 7. Something strange happened in our meeting today! One colleague started laughing all of a sudden and the laughter was so contagious that we forgot that we have some more people who have dialled in the meeting call :)
It was fun!

Ever been real angry??

Over the years, I have learnt that silence is the best way to show anger. Just don't talk to the the person you are angry with. It will surely work; but speaking out that you felt bad because of something might not work. I believe complaining for something weekens the relationships. I remember once a friend of mine gifted me a poster "Angry people cause hurt and get hurt". Silence is the best killer as it hurts the most.And to be silent is best when you don't know if you have the right to be angry with the person. This is difficult way of expressing anger, but it works :)I don't know how to apply this when the concerned person is a room-mate or a team-mate. You can't avoid talking to that person in such cases...I have tried hundreds of times to be angry with my rooom-mate. The very next morning I forget :(

Back to Project again

Plans changed again. Probably HE has some different plans for me. I'm no more going to chandigarh. I'll be in bangalore only, for next one year probably, as a commitment to my new project. So I'm back to project again. Back to the place where i used to work before, same old people. The work hasn't started for me in the full swing. So i'm just enjoying this time. Just attended a training for two hrs in the whole day :) After the training I could appreciate the concept and domain of the new project.
Now I'm chatting with a friend and watching outside. Its pouring outside. Now I'm taking life as it comes to me. Lets see what next is in store for me.

Its raining in bangalore!

Yesterday was a day where I made wrong decisions and got struck everywhere all because of rain. I went to a nearby market along with a friend for some shopping. We intended to come back early as we had planned to watch a TV show at 8. As I was leaving I saw so many clothes (that I had washed) hanging outside.A thought came to my mind - “oh..they are dried now but I’ll pick them up after coming back. Anyway I’m coming early today”.

We were done with our shopping by 7 pm. It started drizzling! We had two options: 1. To go back home and 2. Do some internet surfing and then go back home. We thought that this drizzling will also stop by that time (high hopes!) And we made the wrong decision of going to cyber café. Just after 10 mins, we heard the noise of heavy rain. We were done with net surfing in 15 mins, but we didn’t even dare to step out. At 7.38 pm we made up our mind to leave. We didn’t want to miss our TV show :(. It was raining cats and dogs. We saw so many people standing inside the shops, waiting for this rain to stop. We thought waiting is of no use, we have to go at any cost. We moved to a place where we usually get an auto easily. Auto drivers were moving like kings yesterday. They didn’t even want to look at people like us who were trying to stop them. Some autos were already full. Some were asking hundred for a distance that is worth Rs. 12/-. We were completely drenched by that time. The weather was pleasant but it made us shiver for a moment. We just noticed that we are in front of a coffee shop. We decided to sip a coffee. There were so many people standing in front of that coffee shop. I bet that shop’s owner was the happiest person at that time, because his coffee was selling like hot cakes. I wish my parents were in Bangalore and I could call up my father to pick us from there. Called up friends to tell our story and hoping they could come to rescue us. Got to know that even they are struck up in the rain in some other place .At 8.20 pm we decided to move. It was still raining but it was no use waiting there. We decided to move a bit. Finally at 8.45 pm we got an auto whose driver agreed to come to our place for 40 bucks for a distance which is worth 12 bucks but we were so tired by that time! We hired that auto and finally reached home. All my dried clothes that were hanging out side were drenched with water by that time.
Finally we could see the end of that TV show :)

Weekend and the Aftermath!

Though the weekend is over, I couldn’t write about it because I didn’t get access to internet for the last two days. The weekend was full of exam-tension, fun, celebration and some sad moments.
Finally I managed to clear SCJP with a respectable score! Thanks to all my friends who guided and encouraged me a lot. Special thanks to Priyanshu for providing me the material. Some people voluntarily helped me in the last moment by providing some materials and it did help me there. Thanks :) That one month of tension is over. It was time to celebrate and freak out! Called up some friends went to see Mr. Beans. It’s a sweet movie. Had lots of fun. Our journey back to home was an unpleasant one as we had to pay 3 times the actual fare. Stupid auto-driver had done some tampering with the meter for sure.
Didn’t have much to do on Sunday, slept a lot, watched movies on TV and cooked good food. There was tragic end of my lovely weekend because of some tensions with a friend. The next day we managed to change the climax of my lovely weekend by fixing up the things.
I’m free now, trying to find out what next! And I could identify gym as one of the options. So yesterday was the first day at gym, though couldn’t enjoy it much as there was a big rush there and I was shocked to see that people are reserving the machines by keeping theirs towels in the queue. I could spend very less time in gym as I had to rush back home as it was my friend’s birthday and we had make some arrangements for dinner and the b’day cake. And it struck 12, we were back to our college way of celebrating the birthdays. Couldn’t resist putting the cake on her face :) We all danced as we knew that this was her last b’day that she would be celebrating with us. Our party had just started when we got a message from our landlord “Its 1 am. Please carry on with less noise”Ah! all moods switched off. We all wished good night to each other and went to sleep.

My cell phone

On Friday I discovered that I’m not able to close the flap of the cell phone (Sony Ericsson Z550i). I was surprised why all of a sudden my 7 months old cell phone is showing this odd behavior. Since last Friday it had 3 more free falls and it is behaving worse now. It seems it is planning to move away from me. This May seems to be bringing so many changes along with it. SO many things are happening around me and with me, so many people going ahead in life –some with life-partners, some with the new jobs, some with further studies, and some like me with the change of place. I missed out my cell phone who is showing a change in it's behaviour! -my only friend who used to connect me with everyone whenever I was alone is betraying me now. It’s no different from living human beings. I have so many wonderful memories associated with it; the same way I have with the people around me. It is the first cell that I bought with my own salary. It’s something which is only mine and no one else’s. My dear cell phone, please don’t try to be a human. It’s a difficult job. It’s their trait to betray people. You are a cute little fellow whom I’m not going to leave just like that.

बस इतना सा ही कहती हूँ

हम उखड़े उखड़े बैठे थे
जाने किसकी आवाज़ सुनी
हल्का सा डर, हलकी सी ख़ुशी
यूं दिल में आके बैठ गया
कौन है वो, है क्यों आया
किसके आने से हम, अब यूं इतने बेचैन हुए
हम चौंक गए, हैरान हुए
आवाज़ बहुत ही मीठी थी,
जाने क्यों दिल तक उसने
इक सीधी रेखा खींची थी
शायद वो मेरी माँ होंगी
जिनके क़दमों कि आहट ने हमको ये बतलाया है
"तू ना हो दुःखी मेरी बेटी
हम आज तुझे ये कहते हैं
तेरे ये जो आँसू हैं मेरी आखों से बहते हैं
तेरे हर सुख में ही तो हमने अमृत फल को पाया है"
माँ तेरे इन शब्दों ने जीवन को हर पल सजाया है
तू जहाँ कहीँ भी रहती है, दिल के नजदीक ही होती है
अक्सर मैं इश्वर के घर जाकर पूछा करती हूँ
क्यों दिया तुम्हे ऐसा दिल
जो सब कुछ जाना करता है
मैं आह यहाँ पे भरती हूँ,
तुम दौडी दौडी आती हो
आकर के मेरे कानों में मीठा सा गीत सुनाती हो
हम कृतज्ञ हैं तेरी ममता के,
तेरे तो हम करज़ाई हैं
पर अपनी इस माँ को क्या मैं दूं
बस इतना सा ही कहती हूँ
तुझको तो हर पल याद करूं
बस तेरे लिए फरियाद करूं!
Love you mom!

Java - making me crazy

Since a long time, I’m planning to appear for SCJP exam. Finally I have determined to appear for it soon. Though I like java a lot, but there are some things which make me think that it is a funny language! It’s driving me crazy. Don’t you believe me? See this:

1. Any local variable but be initialized before use, but if the local variable is an array the compiler won’t complain. Only declaring and constructing the array will do.
2. Multiple inheritance is not allowed in java but interface classes can extend more than one interface classes. They are VIPs :)
3. Interface variables are implicitly but static and final but compiler will be angry if we make the interface methods as static or final.
4. Everyone who has learnt java knows when we’ll try to divide an integer by 0, it will result in an ArithmeticException but dividing a floating point number by a zero will not result in an ArithmeticException. Isn’t it strange!
5. We can do & and operations on integers as well as Booleans but we can do && and only on Boolean operands.
6. We can have multiple initialization and iteration statements in for loop but there can be only one test condition.Why so? They could have used multiple tests also
   Constructors should not have a return type but its legal to have a method with the same name as that of class with a return type. SO what do I do if I see a method with a return type – is it an errored constructor or a legal method?
7. Default constructor is always a non-arg constructor but you won’t get it if you have typed in a constructor with arguments. Why this injustice to the programmer?
   
   These are just a few things that I wrote. I’m still in the mid of my course. If some big java fan happens to read this, please don’t beat me for writing this.

'Bench' Again

It was Apr 2006, I was put on bench for the first time in my organization. Again in April 2007, I have been put on bench. This time, it is for my transfer to Chandigarh, probably for my own good. I’m not sure. When I wanted to go, they didn’t send me, now I felt like working here, now they want to send me! I wanted to work for some good development project here, so I had refused for my transfer lately but it seems I’m destined to go now.
It was yesterday I was thinking that all my friends are moving from Bangalore, why did I choose to be here? Today morning when I came to office swiped in my id card to open the door, the door didn’t open. That’s how I got to know that they have revoked my door access also. It was shock to me! Went to meet my PM and got the news that I have been put on bench as my transfer in progress. Now I have decided to take life as it comes. I have decided to take up the java certification very soon though I’m planning to give it from the past 6 months God give me the courage to appear for it this time :)

Last team meeting

Today we are having the last meeting in my current project. Never liked to work for this project as the work was not of my interest but for every release we all used to stay till late to give the best results. And our efforts did work and the team got so many recognitions, awards and best ever client feedbacks. Don't know why I'm feeling a bit heavy at heart. I'm not so close to anyone but there is something which has knit the team closely. Hope to fet such wonderful team in every project I work! Life moves on and good that the project ended. Some thing good is waiting for me.

Trust

Probably all of us use this word often while talking to friends, while writing testimonials, while praising others. But I doubt I really know the meaning! I searched for its meaning on internet and got so many definitions. Probably a too complicated thing! I don’t understand why people make relationships if they don’t trust each other. Oh I again used the word! Here it means – “The sense that things are fine; that nothing can disrupt the bond between you and the other”. The other day my friend’s boy-friend who is a very loving and caring guy got angry with her because he saw her talking to some guy in her office campus. I thought Love is above all these things! I concluded where there is love; there is a fear of losing it. Even Lords are not exception to this. Lord Rama doubted Sita after her release from Ravana’s capture. Today two of my friends doubted me to have told their secrets to people. Although the thing was told quite casually and lightly, yet it touched my heart. I felt that they should not have told me anything if they don't trust me. Here trust means – “Sharing your inner feelings and thoughts with others with the belief that they will not spread them indiscriminately”. But before I could say anything to them I introspected –“Haven’t I doubted people who I love the most at times?” The answer was yes – with so many incidents coming to my mind. Probably its human nature to be doubtful! Is there anything called blind trust? I’m not sure!

At home!

It’s been 3 nights and 2 days at home now! The break is good and I’m relaxing the most. Don’t even feel like going back to work. No tensions about the release at office today :) My team mates would have managed I know. Everyday I get up around the same time as mom and dad have to go to their work. By that time mom is already done with her cooking but there are a few instructions for me specially not to use the old lighter, not to close the windows when the gas geyser is on, not to open the door to strangers etc. as if I’m a 5 yr old girl staying at home. To add to it my mom will call up from office to check if I’m fine. After saying bye to them, I have my breakfast, listen to songs, watch tv, surf Internet and watch my dog – Jackie’s activities. Jackie is too eager to hold everyone. I always feel he wants to say something when I go near him. He says in his own language which I don’t understand but I wish I could. At least I would have got some one to talk to till my parents return home. Anyway by the time I'm done all those activities, its 2'o clock and I see Jaackie barking loudly to see his masters back.
It’s so good to sit under the sun in this weather. While I sit under the sun, so many thoughts come to my mind. Lots of things to think now - what next in life? Time to make so many decisions soon.
I have started with a book of R.K Narayan – “Salt & sawdust”. It’s a collection of stories and table-talk.
Only 3 more nights at home now :(

Back to my college

After a long time, I'm back to my college where I have spent four wonderful years. Again I'm using our old lan, using Internet seeing that cyberoam http client screen, seeing the faces of our teachers.Its so good to be in college again though there is a difference now. I'm no more a student, I'm have come as a visitor with my sister who's a teacher here :)
Not many things have changed. Same old guards, same teachers, same tuck shop, same old person handling the tuck shop, almost the same staff in the mess.
All those memories are refreshed!