Money..money..money

Money..money..money.Is it everything in the world? Can it buy you all the happiness you need?
After a long time, some thought is provoking me so much that I had to come back to my blog. I see so many people around me going mad after money, spoiling their health, spending sleepless nights with all work tension, having almost no time for their family..All this, just to live a luxurious life - to give mobile phone to their children even if they don’t need it, to busy a new car even if they have two which are running good enough, to buy a home theater even you have good enough big flat screen TV at home. I don’t say, we shouldn’t have passion to fulfill such dreams. But I do feel that we should not spend half our life thinking how to acquire money and then acquiring money just to fulfill our dreams which are not ‘needs’ just luxuries! I have a question in my mind, 10 years down the line what would you like to give back to your children a decent life and your time or only a luxurious life? If I were to choose between the two, I would have chosen the first one. Because I think there’s no end to human desires and happiness resides in a contented mind. Some one has rightly said (I don’t know who!)

मेरे दिल के किसी कोने मे एक मासूम सा बच्चा
बडों की देख कर दुनिया, बडा होने से डरता है!

2 Years!

Time passes so quickly. I can't believe I'll complete exactly 2 yrs in my first job tomorrow. I still remember the day we landed in this company. It seemed to be no different from college - 1) so many classes and tests 2) I had the same circle of friends. Training period got over and then a world of responsibilities began - staying on your own, paying the rent, paying the bills, cooking food, getting up early to catch the bus -no scope of bunking classes, work - tension! I learnt how much responsible you are for every word you write or speak here and how much commitment is expected from you at workplace. I still remember I couldn't attend my convocation because I had to give a presentation at office that day. My PM made me cancel my tickets at the last moment! Now when I turn back I smile at those moments.
Well the work and the environment hasn't changed much since 2005. The people do keep on changing.
Had both sweet and sour experiences. But I must say my first job has given me more than what I ever expected as I could find my better half here ;-)
My good wishes and congratulations to all those who started their career with me!

Happy friendship day!

One more friendship day gone! I remember two years back when I was in college, we had some kind of excitement in us. We used to send e-cards, wake up till 12 to wish each other...Things don't seem to be the same any more. This time also I wished all my friends, they wished me back, but I don't know why I felt that enthusiasm was gone! It made me scribble some lines and and I'm posting them:
हमें याद आता है
हर वो नज़ारा
था दुनिया में हमको सबसे जो प्यारा
वो यारों कि बातों में रातें बिताना
कुछ हसीं सपनों को दिल में सजाना
उनके कन्धों में सर रख के रोना
वो हर अपने दुःख को हसी में उड़ाना
वो lectures में उनकी proxy लगाना
वो majors के time पे movies दिखाना
अजी हमने माना
वो नही थी हक़ीकत
थी इक कहानी, था इक फ़साना
क्यों आज हमको वो हर दोस्त अपना
यूं लगने लगा है पराया पराया
बदली हूँ मैं, या बदला ज़माना ?
है मौसम अभी भी सुहाना सुहाना
फिर भी हमें याद आता है
हर वो नज़ारा
जो था कभी, हमें सबसे प्यारा!

What makes you happy!

Life is a never ending circle of complaints. Your very own people will complain for every other action you do. There can never be a situation when you can make everyone happy. If there is something which makes you happy there must be someone who’s getting hurt because of this. And I feel if you will try to make everyone happy you will surely make yourself unhappy.
True are those lines of a song ....
“कहॉ किसी के लिए है मुमकिन
सबके लिए इक सा होना
थोडा सा दिल मेरा बुरा है
थोडा भला है सीने में "
The moral of the story is do what your heart says and don’t try to make everyone happy because this is a hypothetical situation which can never happen. Do only what makes YOU happy!

Wrong Choices!

Has it ever ever happened to you that you give chances to the same set of people to prove to be good friends and in return they keep on doing things to hurt you the possible extent?? I wonder how a person can't be a loyal friend if you are so good to him. You help them in any possible way, forgive them hundreds of times, they can't leave the habit of breaking trust! A friend of mine has rightly described such people as Gnawing rats!(http://myjourneys.wordpress.com/2007/03/19/gnawing-rats/)
I don't mind if they don't let me know what's happening in their life but I do mind if they are letting the world know some wrong things about me.
Anyway its life! And we must learn to choose friends very carefully and I think I'm still in the process of learning that.
Thank God! I still have a bunch of friends who have never proved and will never prove to be wrong choices :-)

Its a lovely day!

Its friday again. End of week! It was a hectic week for me. After being on bench for a long time, I'm enjoying this "busyness".Though I have my tasks set for the weekend also, I'm a bit relaxed that I can enjoy this nice weather. People like me, who don't like bangalore, do visit bangalore at this time. The weather is at its best. It was drizzling the whole day and there is a nice breeze going on.
Its 7 pm and I'm still in office as we had meeting from 6 to 7. Something strange happened in our meeting today! One colleague started laughing all of a sudden and the laughter was so contagious that we forgot that we have some more people who have dialled in the meeting call :)
It was fun!

Ever been real angry??

Over the years, I have learnt that silence is the best way to show anger. Just don't talk to the the person you are angry with. It will surely work; but speaking out that you felt bad because of something might not work. I believe complaining for something weekens the relationships. I remember once a friend of mine gifted me a poster "Angry people cause hurt and get hurt". Silence is the best killer as it hurts the most.And to be silent is best when you don't know if you have the right to be angry with the person. This is difficult way of expressing anger, but it works :)I don't know how to apply this when the concerned person is a room-mate or a team-mate. You can't avoid talking to that person in such cases...I have tried hundreds of times to be angry with my rooom-mate. The very next morning I forget :(

Back to Project again

Plans changed again. Probably HE has some different plans for me. I'm no more going to chandigarh. I'll be in bangalore only, for next one year probably, as a commitment to my new project. So I'm back to project again. Back to the place where i used to work before, same old people. The work hasn't started for me in the full swing. So i'm just enjoying this time. Just attended a training for two hrs in the whole day :) After the training I could appreciate the concept and domain of the new project.
Now I'm chatting with a friend and watching outside. Its pouring outside. Now I'm taking life as it comes to me. Lets see what next is in store for me.

Its raining in bangalore!

Yesterday was a day where I made wrong decisions and got struck everywhere all because of rain. I went to a nearby market along with a friend for some shopping. We intended to come back early as we had planned to watch a TV show at 8. As I was leaving I saw so many clothes (that I had washed) hanging outside.A thought came to my mind - “oh..they are dried now but I’ll pick them up after coming back. Anyway I’m coming early today”.

We were done with our shopping by 7 pm. It started drizzling! We had two options: 1. To go back home and 2. Do some internet surfing and then go back home. We thought that this drizzling will also stop by that time (high hopes!) And we made the wrong decision of going to cyber café. Just after 10 mins, we heard the noise of heavy rain. We were done with net surfing in 15 mins, but we didn’t even dare to step out. At 7.38 pm we made up our mind to leave. We didn’t want to miss our TV show :(. It was raining cats and dogs. We saw so many people standing inside the shops, waiting for this rain to stop. We thought waiting is of no use, we have to go at any cost. We moved to a place where we usually get an auto easily. Auto drivers were moving like kings yesterday. They didn’t even want to look at people like us who were trying to stop them. Some autos were already full. Some were asking hundred for a distance that is worth Rs. 12/-. We were completely drenched by that time. The weather was pleasant but it made us shiver for a moment. We just noticed that we are in front of a coffee shop. We decided to sip a coffee. There were so many people standing in front of that coffee shop. I bet that shop’s owner was the happiest person at that time, because his coffee was selling like hot cakes. I wish my parents were in Bangalore and I could call up my father to pick us from there. Called up friends to tell our story and hoping they could come to rescue us. Got to know that even they are struck up in the rain in some other place .At 8.20 pm we decided to move. It was still raining but it was no use waiting there. We decided to move a bit. Finally at 8.45 pm we got an auto whose driver agreed to come to our place for 40 bucks for a distance which is worth 12 bucks but we were so tired by that time! We hired that auto and finally reached home. All my dried clothes that were hanging out side were drenched with water by that time.
Finally we could see the end of that TV show :)

Weekend and the Aftermath!

Though the weekend is over, I couldn’t write about it because I didn’t get access to internet for the last two days. The weekend was full of exam-tension, fun, celebration and some sad moments.
Finally I managed to clear SCJP with a respectable score! Thanks to all my friends who guided and encouraged me a lot. Special thanks to Priyanshu for providing me the material. Some people voluntarily helped me in the last moment by providing some materials and it did help me there. Thanks :) That one month of tension is over. It was time to celebrate and freak out! Called up some friends went to see Mr. Beans. It’s a sweet movie. Had lots of fun. Our journey back to home was an unpleasant one as we had to pay 3 times the actual fare. Stupid auto-driver had done some tampering with the meter for sure.
Didn’t have much to do on Sunday, slept a lot, watched movies on TV and cooked good food. There was tragic end of my lovely weekend because of some tensions with a friend. The next day we managed to change the climax of my lovely weekend by fixing up the things.
I’m free now, trying to find out what next! And I could identify gym as one of the options. So yesterday was the first day at gym, though couldn’t enjoy it much as there was a big rush there and I was shocked to see that people are reserving the machines by keeping theirs towels in the queue. I could spend very less time in gym as I had to rush back home as it was my friend’s birthday and we had make some arrangements for dinner and the b’day cake. And it struck 12, we were back to our college way of celebrating the birthdays. Couldn’t resist putting the cake on her face :) We all danced as we knew that this was her last b’day that she would be celebrating with us. Our party had just started when we got a message from our landlord “Its 1 am. Please carry on with less noise”Ah! all moods switched off. We all wished good night to each other and went to sleep.

My cell phone

On Friday I discovered that I’m not able to close the flap of the cell phone (Sony Ericsson Z550i). I was surprised why all of a sudden my 7 months old cell phone is showing this odd behavior. Since last Friday it had 3 more free falls and it is behaving worse now. It seems it is planning to move away from me. This May seems to be bringing so many changes along with it. SO many things are happening around me and with me, so many people going ahead in life –some with life-partners, some with the new jobs, some with further studies, and some like me with the change of place. I missed out my cell phone who is showing a change in it's behaviour! -my only friend who used to connect me with everyone whenever I was alone is betraying me now. It’s no different from living human beings. I have so many wonderful memories associated with it; the same way I have with the people around me. It is the first cell that I bought with my own salary. It’s something which is only mine and no one else’s. My dear cell phone, please don’t try to be a human. It’s a difficult job. It’s their trait to betray people. You are a cute little fellow whom I’m not going to leave just like that.

बस इतना सा ही कहती हूँ

हम उखड़े उखड़े बैठे थे
जाने किसकी आवाज़ सुनी
हल्का सा डर, हलकी सी ख़ुशी
यूं दिल में आके बैठ गया
कौन है वो, है क्यों आया
किसके आने से हम, अब यूं इतने बेचैन हुए
हम चौंक गए, हैरान हुए
आवाज़ बहुत ही मीठी थी,
जाने क्यों दिल तक उसने
इक सीधी रेखा खींची थी
शायद वो मेरी माँ होंगी
जिनके क़दमों कि आहट ने हमको ये बतलाया है
"तू ना हो दुःखी मेरी बेटी
हम आज तुझे ये कहते हैं
तेरे ये जो आँसू हैं मेरी आखों से बहते हैं
तेरे हर सुख में ही तो हमने अमृत फल को पाया है"
माँ तेरे इन शब्दों ने जीवन को हर पल सजाया है
तू जहाँ कहीँ भी रहती है, दिल के नजदीक ही होती है
अक्सर मैं इश्वर के घर जाकर पूछा करती हूँ
क्यों दिया तुम्हे ऐसा दिल
जो सब कुछ जाना करता है
मैं आह यहाँ पे भरती हूँ,
तुम दौडी दौडी आती हो
आकर के मेरे कानों में मीठा सा गीत सुनाती हो
हम कृतज्ञ हैं तेरी ममता के,
तेरे तो हम करज़ाई हैं
पर अपनी इस माँ को क्या मैं दूं
बस इतना सा ही कहती हूँ
तुझको तो हर पल याद करूं
बस तेरे लिए फरियाद करूं!
Love you mom!

Java - making me crazy

Since a long time, I’m planning to appear for SCJP exam. Finally I have determined to appear for it soon. Though I like java a lot, but there are some things which make me think that it is a funny language! It’s driving me crazy. Don’t you believe me? See this:

1. Any local variable but be initialized before use, but if the local variable is an array the compiler won’t complain. Only declaring and constructing the array will do.
2. Multiple inheritance is not allowed in java but interface classes can extend more than one interface classes. They are VIPs :)
3. Interface variables are implicitly but static and final but compiler will be angry if we make the interface methods as static or final.
4. Everyone who has learnt java knows when we’ll try to divide an integer by 0, it will result in an ArithmeticException but dividing a floating point number by a zero will not result in an ArithmeticException. Isn’t it strange!
5. We can do & and operations on integers as well as Booleans but we can do && and only on Boolean operands.
6. We can have multiple initialization and iteration statements in for loop but there can be only one test condition.Why so? They could have used multiple tests also
   Constructors should not have a return type but its legal to have a method with the same name as that of class with a return type. SO what do I do if I see a method with a return type – is it an errored constructor or a legal method?
7. Default constructor is always a non-arg constructor but you won’t get it if you have typed in a constructor with arguments. Why this injustice to the programmer?
   
   These are just a few things that I wrote. I’m still in the mid of my course. If some big java fan happens to read this, please don’t beat me for writing this.

'Bench' Again

It was Apr 2006, I was put on bench for the first time in my organization. Again in April 2007, I have been put on bench. This time, it is for my transfer to Chandigarh, probably for my own good. I’m not sure. When I wanted to go, they didn’t send me, now I felt like working here, now they want to send me! I wanted to work for some good development project here, so I had refused for my transfer lately but it seems I’m destined to go now.
It was yesterday I was thinking that all my friends are moving from Bangalore, why did I choose to be here? Today morning when I came to office swiped in my id card to open the door, the door didn’t open. That’s how I got to know that they have revoked my door access also. It was shock to me! Went to meet my PM and got the news that I have been put on bench as my transfer in progress. Now I have decided to take life as it comes. I have decided to take up the java certification very soon though I’m planning to give it from the past 6 months God give me the courage to appear for it this time :)

Last team meeting

Today we are having the last meeting in my current project. Never liked to work for this project as the work was not of my interest but for every release we all used to stay till late to give the best results. And our efforts did work and the team got so many recognitions, awards and best ever client feedbacks. Don't know why I'm feeling a bit heavy at heart. I'm not so close to anyone but there is something which has knit the team closely. Hope to fet such wonderful team in every project I work! Life moves on and good that the project ended. Some thing good is waiting for me.

Trust

Probably all of us use this word often while talking to friends, while writing testimonials, while praising others. But I doubt I really know the meaning! I searched for its meaning on internet and got so many definitions. Probably a too complicated thing! I don’t understand why people make relationships if they don’t trust each other. Oh I again used the word! Here it means – “The sense that things are fine; that nothing can disrupt the bond between you and the other”. The other day my friend’s boy-friend who is a very loving and caring guy got angry with her because he saw her talking to some guy in her office campus. I thought Love is above all these things! I concluded where there is love; there is a fear of losing it. Even Lords are not exception to this. Lord Rama doubted Sita after her release from Ravana’s capture. Today two of my friends doubted me to have told their secrets to people. Although the thing was told quite casually and lightly, yet it touched my heart. I felt that they should not have told me anything if they don't trust me. Here trust means – “Sharing your inner feelings and thoughts with others with the belief that they will not spread them indiscriminately”. But before I could say anything to them I introspected –“Haven’t I doubted people who I love the most at times?” The answer was yes – with so many incidents coming to my mind. Probably its human nature to be doubtful! Is there anything called blind trust? I’m not sure!

At home!

It’s been 3 nights and 2 days at home now! The break is good and I’m relaxing the most. Don’t even feel like going back to work. No tensions about the release at office today :) My team mates would have managed I know. Everyday I get up around the same time as mom and dad have to go to their work. By that time mom is already done with her cooking but there are a few instructions for me specially not to use the old lighter, not to close the windows when the gas geyser is on, not to open the door to strangers etc. as if I’m a 5 yr old girl staying at home. To add to it my mom will call up from office to check if I’m fine. After saying bye to them, I have my breakfast, listen to songs, watch tv, surf Internet and watch my dog – Jackie’s activities. Jackie is too eager to hold everyone. I always feel he wants to say something when I go near him. He says in his own language which I don’t understand but I wish I could. At least I would have got some one to talk to till my parents return home. Anyway by the time I'm done all those activities, its 2'o clock and I see Jaackie barking loudly to see his masters back.
It’s so good to sit under the sun in this weather. While I sit under the sun, so many thoughts come to my mind. Lots of things to think now - what next in life? Time to make so many decisions soon.
I have started with a book of R.K Narayan – “Salt & sawdust”. It’s a collection of stories and table-talk.
Only 3 more nights at home now :(

Back to my college

After a long time, I'm back to my college where I have spent four wonderful years. Again I'm using our old lan, using Internet seeing that cyberoam http client screen, seeing the faces of our teachers.Its so good to be in college again though there is a difference now. I'm no more a student, I'm have come as a visitor with my sister who's a teacher here :)
Not many things have changed. Same old guards, same teachers, same tuck shop, same old person handling the tuck shop, almost the same staff in the mess.
All those memories are refreshed!

Mahashweta -a book review

Being in an organization headed by Mr. Narayan Murthy, I have heard the story of the making of this organization hundreds of times. This is how I got to know that Mrs. Murthy has sacrificed and contributed a lot during the initial few years of this company. Anyway, I’m not going to write about or this organization here but I’ll be writing about a book of Mrs. Sudha Murthy that deeply touched me and has inspired me to read more of her books. This book is ‘Mahashweta’. It’s a touching story of a courageous girl, Anupama, who suffers from leukoderma just after her marriage. How the hypocritical society, insensitive in-laws and husband obsessed with beauty treat her! Above all, her husband is a doctor who knows it very well that leukoderma is a harmless disease in which a person suffers from a deficiency in the pigmentation of skin. The writer has portrayed various aspects of Indian society – arranged marriages, dominating mother in-law, helpful friends, hypocrite relatives, a cursing stepmother, and worried parents of a young Indian girl.I would recommend everyone to read this novel once especially those who are planning to tie the nuptial knot in the coming years. Marriage is a commitment for a lifetime. Make this commitment only if you are prepared to honour it. Hey did I tell you why the name of the novel is Mahashweta. It is a dram in which Anupama plays the lead role and seeing that a rich and handsome doctor falls in love with her. Read the book to know the whole story :)

क्यों

इस दिल को हर पल समझाते थे हम
तेरे हिस्से में आने हैं गम ही गम
क्यों उससे तू मुंह मोड नहीं लेता
क्यों उससे तू ये रिश्ता तोड नहीं लेता

तू क्यों खुश होता है उसकी खुशी में
तू क्यों यूं रोता है उसके दुखों में
क्यों वो इक इंसान तुझे हंसा सकता है
रुला सकता है, मना सकता है़।

वो-वो नहीं जिसे तेरा होना है
ईश्वर ने तेरे लिये किसी और को चुना है
जवाब मिला - बहुत बडी बडी बातें सुना रही हो
जो खुद ना समझी वो दिल को समझा रही हो?

Sisters

We grew up together, in that lovely small city of udhampur where almost everyone knows each other. I remember that small campus having 20 residences where we used to stay, play and enjoy with friends. Everyone in the school knew us. Us refers to me and my sister. Jasmine and her “Khushboo”- we are so very incomplete without each other. Almost after one year of her marriage I’m missing her so much. She is busy with her new world. All her activities revolve around her new relatives. She is the one who used to guide me, pamper me and listen to my stupid talks. Being an engineer, she guided me a lot during my engineering also, though we were not staying together at her time. But she was there to advice about the people in college, about hostel life, about engineering subjects and all our college stuff. Oh I can’t believe I’m praising her :) I do remember the times when she used to pull my leg. I remember one day I was telling some joke to her and my Mom. After the joke, she said “Mom please laugh, otherwise she’ll tell it again”. Even after doing post graduation in engineering, she has chosen to be a teacher though I feel she could have been a good manager. This is because of her managerial skills; I remember how tactfully she managed to make me work for her sometimes.It was fun. Though she is five years elder to me, there is s special bond between us which i feel will always be there. Our lives have changed now; she has her household chores and office work but still i know how much she cares for me.I sometimes wonder why two sisters can’t live together throughout their lives? Miss you sis but very happy for you. Hope this “Deepak” (my brother-in-law) always enlightens your life with lots of joy and happiness!

Long Weekend with our new TV!

A long week-end over! Had a lot to do over this weekend - lots of clothes to wash, update my resume, read some java chapters. But what did I do? Effectively nothing except watching Television :) On Saturday one of my room-mates brought TV from her cousin’s place and believe me since then all four us (me and my room-mates) were watching TV as if we had we had seen it for the first time! We saw all those movies – “Qayamat se qayamat tak”, “Jo jita wahi sikandar” etc., though we had had seen these movies many times before. Yesterday it was Karnataka bandh. Don’t know what effects this bandh will bring to the division of Cauvery water, but for us it was one more holiday. From somewhere we got to know that cable won’t work on the this day due to bandh! We were so sad, “our only source of entertainment won’t work” We got a DVD having 3 movies, to pass out time. Anyway cable worked, we could see KBC. SRK is doing a good job! We also saw “Traffic signal”. It’s a good movie. Everybody must watch it once. Ya once..can’t say if u would like to watch it for the second time. It’s too realistic and no one likes that these days. On the whole the long weekend was good. Enjoyed it, though I wished I was at my home (jalandhar) because my mom was alone this weekend. Hope I’ll be there with them soon.

My First steps to this corporate world!

19 Sep ’05 - My first day in corporate world! Welcome Khushboo :) I never entered this industry to work on a java project, to go to onsite, to get a CRR 1 rating. Who cares! It’s a job, everyone gets the same pay. I was here to enjoy the feeling of getting paid at age of just 21. I just can’t describe that feeling in words when those first 16,000 and some amount of rupees were transferred to my account….I had earned these myself by just attending some classes and training, which won’t have any meaning my career life. Thousands of miles away from our family we are here just to earn! Why? Ah! Its brand name you see…You won’t get it there. I wish these people had opened one office at my hometown itself. I should not crib, I’m lucky have got so many friends here. But only He knows for how long! Today I have so many expectations from my life, specifically from my career. All of a sudden so many thoughts are haunting me? Someone from inside me asks “What have you learnt in these 1 and a half years?” I have to think deeply to answer this question. Of course I did! How people become PM’s pet, how they get rewards and recognitions by not working at all, how they go to onsite by just not touching the keyboard! It happens! You don’t believe me? More to tell, most of the guys get a chance to go onsite because as they say “girls will leave the company when they get married”? As if the guys won’t do that! People like my mother say you’ll go one day- "Go with your husband! Why to go alone!" Who cares! Who wants to go then? Why don’t they understand we want to go on our own! I know I’ll fly one day or the other! But someone recognizes your talent and sends you at this age– it’s a different feeling. Its not that it doesn’t happen here, but only for those who are lucky. I feel there’s a random number generator which decides your fate here! Don’t start comprehending my writing and going to conclusions. It’s not out of jealousy! It’s my inner wish that these companies, so called –‘Driven by values’ should reform for some reasons and for some people…..